Friday, January 15, 2016

Inhale love. Exhale hate.

Hi. I survived 2015.
Ended the year with a series of events that now serves as a lesson learnt and will be kept in the back of my mind for the rest of my life.
I have been wanting to say this, but every time I tried, these goddamn tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. So here I am, ready to finally get it out.
I have ended my 9-year relationship with my high school sweetheart.

If you asked me what went wrong, I don't think I have the answer to this right now. But I can only say, time will tell. 

To be honest, I don't and never regretted being in this relationship. After all it mostly consisted of great memories, how we used to be each other's world. I valued and missed all the good days we had.
We got together before our O's at 16,  we practically spent almost 1/3 of each others life together as a couple. From graduation, to him going into army, to poly days and then to the working society. It has all been pretty smooth sailing but well, shit happens.

It breaks me to finally accept what we deserve most isn't each other.

I guess this blow was time I open up my eyes to this cruel world. To believe that what I think I see in a person, is not what he/she is after all. I have only myself to blame for letting this happen, letting this toxic into our lives.

Moving on now, and I must say this needs some getting used to. A life without him isn't one that will be easy. After all I've invested so much of my heart into my first love, whom I thought to have every memory of my future with. Someone once told me, if you were in a 6 months r/s, you need 6 months to forget that person. Does it mean I need 9 years? I'm refusing to believe it.

Never knew I would actually have to go through a heartache like this. Big hugs and respect to all the brokenhearted girls who went through the same shit and got back on their feet in no time. Cliche as it may sound, I truly do not know how it would be without my family and friends picking me up when I hit rock bottom. Honestly I'm not sure if it's the right move to be talking about such personal issues here but after all, this is my personal space. 

This 2016, I promise to live my everyday to the fullest and make the best out of it. Inhale love, Exhale hate. So be gone, all those sleepless nights. I can do this.

With that said, I have faith that this is going to be a year of beautiful moments waiting to happen. So here I am, embracing change.